News roundup 80

Four-year-old threatened with Asbo for playing football in the street. Don’t they have anything better to do?

Leeches empty blood truck’s fuel tank. Bastards.

Girl, 10, fights for life after mother dies in crash with fire engine responding to hoax 999. Shoot the hoaxers.

'English hater' lands in court. Let’s see how she likes it back where she came from.

Sex and porn shame of councillor. Why is it always councillors?

Caught in the act: The 'gipsy' child thieves who could teach Fagin a trick or two. Send them to youth prison and deport their parents.

Muslims outraged at police advert featuring cute puppy sitting in policeman's hat. Tell them to shut up.

Record numbers of foreign criminals removed from Britain. Still not enough.

The bulb hoarders. I should have thought of that.

Report blows hole in wind power plan. Somehow wind power doesn’t seem that good anymore.

Hutton eyes coal to replace imports of gas. We’ll either have to import coal or import workers to min coal seeing as the coal miners of the 80s are probably too old.

America's fury as Hamza smuggles hate messages to Bin Laden's No 2... From UK jail cell. Why can’t we just give him to America?

Al-Qa'eda style terrorists planning UK attacks with ambulances bought on eBay. Alqaeda, ambulances and eBay. Never thought they would be in the same sentence.

Britain facing terrorist threat until 2038, former top cop warns. Remove al the Muslims and problem solved.

Terror chief warns of 9/11 style attacks on Britain by bombers in private jets. It will probably happen sometime.

Muslim convert 'left hoax bomb message'. Send him to an Islamic country. See how he likes it there.