July 2007 monthly roundup

At the start of the month the number of terrorist suspects stood at 1700 but later in the month that figured had more than doubled to 4000 terror suspects. We also found out that 24% of them are asylum seekers. Maybe these new asylum seekers are actually old asylum seekers that were paid to go home, buy some bomb materials and then come back?

Don’t worry. If there ever is a terrorist attack you can rest assured that Muslims won’t be mentioned even if it is them. It wasn’t our decision. You can blame the EU for it.

The EU was finally doing something right. They gave us porn which wasn’t very long but it’s the thought that counts. They weren’t going to butter us up that easy. We still want a referendum even though Gordon Brown has said we aren’t getting one. Maybe those 40 Labour MPs and the unions will persuade him to give us a referendum. We really need to get out especially seeing as how our opt outs are worthless.

Animal testing reached a 15 year high. This might be because the EU wanted tens of millions of animals to suffer in experiments. On the plus side if the Conservatives win the election they will offer us a referendum. Will the animals be saved then?

Gordon Brown said that he was going to reduce the regulatory burden by 25%. The thing is he can’t without permission from the EU. One example of this was when a pleasure boat was banned from going between two towns which are close to each other. He also lied when he said that he wanted to deport 4000 criminals. The thing is he can’t because of the Human Rights Act.

Immigration was once again in the news when we found that 200,000 homes were given to immigrants. Not a great idea when we have a housing shortage. Maybe the housing is why most Poles plan to stay? Don’t worry though. Gordon Brown is going to concrete over the countryside to build 3 million new homes.

Immigration was also rising in rural areas and so was crime. Eastern European Immigrants were found to be the biggest threat to our fish. Atleast Gordon Brown was thinking of creating a single force to protect UK borders even if they would be useless. Maybe we should start by deporting the foreign criminals but that would be hard seeing as they can’t find 787 of them.

The government like to treat criminals well so it doesn’t come as much as a surprise to learn that there were calls for an amnesty for illegal immigrants.

Now, let’s focus on crime. We found that ASBOs were being given for moderately serious offenses like stealing 1347 bikes, being a one man crime spree and causing 85% of the crime in one area. If there wasn’t a national shortage of judges the criminals might actually be given real punishment.

Crime is so widespread that there are even gangsters in Blair’s street. It’s a pity he’s now an envoy.

Even when people were sent to prison they were being released early even if they were violent offenders so it came as no surprise that within weeks of being released some had already committed crimes and were back in prison. If you are a prisoner and you haven’t been released yet don’t despair. You can sue.

There seems to be a lot of sexual abuse being carried out on young white girls by Asian men. The police have at last decided to investigate. They might eventually end up in an open prison but give the police cookies for trying.

The smoking ban was already being disobeyed by MPs who were smoking in Parliament toilets and on trains. These types of people like breaking the law so it wasn’t a big surprise to learn that Labour and Lib Dem party activists had a punch up in Sedgefield. Politicians aren’t the only ones breaking the law. 1 in 15 senior police are being investigated for corruption or other law breaking.

Terrorists must love our ways. We can’t execute or deport them because of the Human Rights Act. This must be why Alqaeda members are joining the police. Bin Laden may also get a visa and the burned bomber is being kept alive so the other Muslims don’t get angry.

Unlimited detention without trial is suddenly looking more and more attractive.

Trevor Phillips was furious and threatened to quit after Gordon Brown never put any dark faces in the cabinet. Oh dear what a sad loss…

In the spirit of anti racism a police force cancelled a TV appeal because it was thought that it might increase racism. While the police weren’t telling the public much needed information, BBC staff were going to be sent on courses so they could learn how to tell the truth. They need to be sent on courses to learn that buying babies is bad too.

Above all the insanity was the House of Lords who seemed to be the only ones that are actually sane. They fought for the corporate manslaughter bill to include state institutions. This erupted in a game of political tennis which the lords ended up winning. Brown doesn’t like opposition which is why he is considering getting rid of the lords that oppose him.

With the education system being destroyed and the life chances of children being washed down the drain it’s nice to know that children are being given lessons is feelings. They should be happy. They could pass that class with 30% of the marks. How difficult are feelings? This could be a way of hitting their targets on time and not 5 years late.

Atleast the government have their education priorities in order. It doesn’t matter if they are getting their students good grades. It’s more important to mix with diverse schools. If they don’t they will fail and be closed down. Maybe their priority should be getting more male role models into the classroom and stop dumbing down education?

The taxman wants to take money directly out of your bank account if they feel you aren’t paying enough tax. There is a problem with this though. They have made tax errors that have hit 1 million people. Labour also wants to take all your money out of your bank account if you haven’t touched it for 15 years. The money will be spent on children.

Don’t despair about tax. Once you pay for the privilege or having home information packs forced upon you it will be used to make you pay more council tax. You will also have to payout when a relationship ends even if you aren’t married.

The government were again shown to be wasting our money. NHS chiefs won a taxpayer funded holiday to Japan while public bodies were wasting millions selling off old IT equipment at the wrong time.

The government could be forced to pay paedophiles compensation as unlimited detention is unlawful even though there are far too many to monitor. This is at the same time that we find that funding cuts are risking UK waterways.

A local NHS trust is refusing to give an OAP a hearing aid until she reaches 110 years old while NHS 24 has been putting patients at risk by downgrading the nursing qualifications needed to answer calls and decide on treatment. There is going to be a lot of cancelled operations because of either a shortage of junior doctors or because of a shortage of trauma beds. Atleast our resident Gurkha can get NHS treatment now.

Parliament weren’t the only ones acting like idiots and fleecing people for everything. In some cases, councils were giving out sandbags with no sand and another council was selling their sandbags to protect homes from the flood. Don’t worry the people who were responsible for protecting us from the floods were given their raises.

A local council was being heartless after they allowed a 103 year old to be evicted from a nursing home. A different local council was sued after a secondary school pupil was swinging on a gate of a primary school when it collapsed. He was given £5700. Another council said that a Buddhist businessman couldn’t call his restaurant Fat Buddha because it might be offensive to Buddhists.

We live in a tyranny especially when it comes to local government. A Swansea councillor found this out when he was suspended for having an opinion. A bin man was also threatened with dismissal for wearing a cross of St George bandana.

The government love to take your money but maybe it’s time to stop fleecing the motorist now cars have been shown to be environmentally friendly? They should be focusing on foreign lorry drivers which don’t pay fines.

Nearly half of the RAF aircraft have been deemed to be unsafe so it was surprising when they told us that they have improved the time taken to fix aircraft and saved the Ministry of Defence money.

We don’t treat our soldiers well. An SAS commander was relieved of his duties for getting medals and leading men into battle. The government also decided to send 100 more troops to Afghanistan despite the fact that Britain has only got 500 troops left. It’s just a shame that our clerks for the MoD get more than soldiers for their injuries It’s enough to drive you crazy… well the Iraq war is and it has caused mental problems to double in troops. If only we had enough medics and psychiatrists.